Set Up Goals That You Can Meet

Are you as sick of New Year’s Resolutions as I am?  All those promises that make you feel guilty, anxious and full of shame when you run out of energy to accomplish them 2 weeks into the year.  The anxiety is caused by a heavy dose of “You should” voices in your head coming into conflict with what you’re actually doing.

Sure, we’d all like to hit reset at the beginning of every year?  But, that’s not possible.  Or is it?

There is hope when we bite off less than we can chew so we can handle the bite, accomplish our intention, and feel good about continuing to accomplish our goal without any “you should” finger pointing.

So, where do we start?  With intention which Sharon Salzberg author of Faith: Trusting Your Own Deepest Experience, defines as “our overall everyday vision,”  what we long for, what we believe is possible for us.  In other words, our meaning and purpose in life which  Caroline Myss, author and medical intuitive defines as your spirit.  She explains, “Your spirit is the part of you that seeks meaning and purpose.  It’s the part drawn to hope, that will not give in to despair.”

At the beginning of every year our spirit reminds us that every day we make hundreds of choices and it asks us to decide whether those choices enhance our spirit or drain our power.

What do you believe is possible for your life?  Are you empowering yourself with the choices you make?      Or, are you draining your spirit by allowing your villain voices to drain your spirit?

A sure sign that your villains are draining your spirit is if you hear phrases like, I don’t deserve this, why try, I never succeed. I’m too guilty to get what I want.  Somebody else is better, more qualified, prettier, luckier, etc.  I’m not enough.

Dump these villain voices that are holding you hostage to your past by drowning them with actions that are rooted in the present – small and steady everyday actions.  Villains hate action.  They want you to be stuck, ineffective, paralyzed, unable to move forward…

Villains are helpless when you decide you are worth living a life of power and purpose free of judgment and the burdens of others’ expectations. *

Three little words will help you on this path and they are: Is, True, Present.  When making a decision, a choice in your life, ask yourself: Does this reflect what is in my life at this moment?  Does it speak the truth of my life now? Is it rooted in the NOW, the PRESENT.

When you focus on the IS, the PRESENT and the TRUTH in your life, you will always have the power to change your attitude to fit the circumstances, to choose your own way.  An amazing thing will happen when you stop trying to find happiness or mourn over happiness past and instead focus on choosing your way, your attitude to fit your NOW.  You’ll find lots of reasons to be happy when you stop pursuing happiness.  As Viktor Frankl writes in his 1946 book, Man’s Search for Meaning, “Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.  One must have a reason to be happy.”

One reason to be happy is to connect to what life expects from you every single day – to connect with your uniqueness, to use your highest strengths and talents to serve something larger than yourself.  Forget those high pressure resolutions.  Gratefully embrace the purpose you can find in every day and your villains will be overcome by your realized intentions – step by step, slow and steady, one action after another makes for a meaningful life.

* If you’d like some help with your villains, I’m offering my Bust Your Villain Coaching program, starting February 6th.




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  1. Cindy Baker Gilbert says:

    Awesome issue, Judith!

    The idea that there is a villain in me that just loves to see me sitting on the sofa and not taking action was just the image I needed to get of my duff and stir up some more energy.

    Even though I know that change happens in the present, I still have to keep watch over my thoughts that stray.

    I do take five minutes each day to visualize the life I want. Rather to feel the emotions I want to feel. And then take the actions. Always the actions.

    • Judith Parker Harris says:

      And thank you for your excellent additions to this issue.
      Just remember, when you are visualizing the life you want be sure to see it and talk about it as if it is already happening. Everything must be in the present. Now keep those pesky thoughts focused on what is, what’s present, what’s true and embrace the wonderful life that you are creating.

  2. The Great Gordino says:

    Hi Judith,
    I love the site name! I’ve written over and over about the dangers of New Year Resolutions, I’ve probably written more this year than any other.

    I find the built in attitude to failure and the idea that this failure is a joke set people up really badly for their *real* goals.

    Very nice post, thanks for the reminder,

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