“NOT NOW” DOESN’T ALWAYS MEAN “NO”
By Judith Parker Harris | January 30, 2010
Block: No
Buster: Be patient, persistent and polite
I am currently helping my husband find an agent for his incredible memoir, BLOB DADDY. One came highly recommended to me by a dear friend and colleague, but she, like everyone else is B-U-S-Y.
Because we came highly recommended, the agent took my first call immediately. She also read my first email with alacrity and agreed, enthusiastically to read the manuscript. It was then that communication dried up. I emailed, to know avail. I called to no avail, but I then did something I normally would not do. I remained patient.
You see, patience is not my strong suit, although I do feel it is one of my main lessons I am supposed to learn in this life. Perhaps because this contact is for my husband and not myself, and because he is so confident in himself and everything he does, I decided to wait patiently (and confidently).
I then did the second thing I would not normally do. I followed up persistently. Not a nuisance, mind you, I emailed short, pithy and humorous little reminders every couple of weeks. After a month passed, I called and left a short, pithy and humorous phone message. When no answer came, I called again in two days and she answered the phone.
I then surprised myself with my third change in character. I dropped any hint of “an attitude,” and went directly to sympathetic and empathetic, saying, “I’m so sorry to bother you, I know how busy you must be, but my husband just turned 91 and we really want to get this memoir published while he can still sign books, and we’d love to work with you.” She laughed in disbelief and promised to read it enthusiastically. Then she said something that shocked me. She said, you have just displayed the three key elements that must be present for me to want to work with someone, “patience, persistence and politeness.”
I was shocked, as I had just dedicated myself to all three qualities while trying to forge a relationship with her.
I have got to believe that we are a match made in publishing heaven, and to that end I will remain, patient, persistent and polite.
Topics: Blogs | No Comments »
MAKE YOUR LIFE A SHARED POSITIVE EXPERIENCE
By Judith Parker Harris | January 27, 2010
Block: Negativity
Buster: Shared Positive Experiences (SPE)
I don’t know about you, but I’ve had it with “negative” entertainment. I’m ready for an SPE – what I call A Shared Positive Experience.
At a time when we are bombarded with more news than ever before and most of it is BAD, when people of all ages are starting over, when communities internationally are substituting human connection with on-line chat rooms and electronic social networking, when depression is on the rise, isolation is a growing fear, and communication is misconstrued, misconceived and misinterpreted what are people looking for and finding less of then ever before?
SHARED POSITIVE EXPERIENCES
There are shared experiences to spare that are frightening, shocking, shameful, horrifying, titillating and emotionally gut wrenching. Do we need another movie about the apocalypse? I think not. There is a shocking shortage, however of SHARED POSTITIVE EXPERIENCES. Test it yourself. What are you talking to co-workers about at the water cooler? What are you discussing with your families? How many SPE’s have you found in a headline that goes viral around the world? What are you reading and listening to? If you took a piece of paper, divided it into two columns headed Positive and Negative, and then wrote down all of your thoughts today, which column would fill up first?
And what is the best way to communicate an SPE worldwide? What is the best way to get SPE conversations happening through every form of communication? What is the best way in trying times of unimaginable difficulties to provide people with not only an inexpensive escape, but also a possible change in attitude and life options? The answer is –Through a movie. Look what’s happening with AVATAR. James Cameron has changed the way movies will be made and he was simultaneously able to tell an updated version of Pocahontas – leaving the audience with hope above all. Why are movies so powerful? Because movies communicate a whole story – not a sound bite, headline, teaser, or synopsis, but a whole story.
Stories are as old as mankind. They have a beginning, middle and end, they have a point of view, they have a heroic character arc wherein something is learned, someone is changed, action is taken and rewards are achieved.
I use movies in my business to help clients find the script in their lives that will allow them to effect the change they desire as the move from Blocked to BlockBuster. The first step is to get rid of the villain or villains (there are 7 of them) that are standing in your way. Then you can create your own BlockBuster hit. Just think about your favorite movie and how it makes you feel. Now imagine if you were starring in your own movie. What would it be about? Who would be the hero? How would you become heroic? What growth would you share with others? What would be your SHARED POSITIVE EXPERIENCE? You can start right no by naming your movie – simply fill in the blanks. Your name Gets your intention (what do you most want to accomplish or change. Example: Maryann Gets to Publish Her Memoir.
Movies can communicate any type of experience, but I suggest we concentrate on some healing themes, like the latest Harrison Ford movie, EXTRAORDINARY MEASURES. A client of mine has coined a phrase that I wish I’d thought of first, “Reel Healing Entertainment.” Now, that’s what I’m talking about… reels and reels of healing entertainment. Imagine being able to select from 2 or 3 movies every week that entertain at the same time that they help you grow, evolve, change and prosper in some way. That’s what I call a Shared Positive Experience.
A great way to start is with the movie in your life. I’d love to talk with you about it. Tell me about your movie in the comment section of this Blog.
Topics: Blogs | No Comments »
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Makes Reality TV a Beautiful Thing
By Judith Parker Harris | January 26, 2010
Block: Reality TV
Buster: Find the Heroes
I watched my first episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition last night and I was in for a shock. I have hung on tenaciously to my belief that reality TV wouldn’t last. I’m a child of television. I like scripted shows with a beginning, middle and end that are produced to the last line of dialogue. I don’t want to watch real people. I get enough of that every day. But this wasn’t just any home improvement, they tackled a whole neighborhood as they centered on a delightful woman from Jamaica, Delores Powell who purchased a 6-bedroom home in Buffalo, New York for her family before she knew it was condemned and scheduled to be demolished. Still, Delores was fueled by the love of her family and she managed to be the heart of an entire neighborhood that needed a makeover in the worst way.
I couldn’t stop looking. Thousands of people volunteered. They made her dump with no hot water where “nothing worked,” into a castle and, they took on 60 other jobs in this run down but proud neighborhood of Buffalo.
So, I have added another remedy to the feeling of overwhelm. Do what the Extreme Makeover folks do, volunteer, choose your makeover and get it done.
The villain of overwhelm survives on two words, “I can’t. To take the villain down, you must say, I can,” and that’s what they say on this reality show. Every square inch of the makeover of this home centered on the possibility for each member of the family. There was a budding architect, a writer, an athlete and a singer. Each room expressed each child’s dream as a reality, including the Mom who wanted to emerge from her cocoon and fly like a butterfly. I cried all the way through this show. Everyone was treated with dignity and the word “no” didn’t exist.
So, now I am a fan of this show, because it does what I encourage others to do when they face that overwhelmed feeling – “Say I can and do it.” Take action. The problem with many reality shows is that they are designed around the lowest aspirations, motivations and behaviors that people exhibit. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is designed around the best. Here are just a few: A woman’s home is her castle, Communities form to help each other be the best they can be. There is no such word as “can’t.” Dream big and then help make it happen. Embrace the opportunity that exists in our country. You can’t hold a good neighbor down – so get out of the way when neighbors come to help. We all need a community and when we find it, we must cherish it for it will, indeed, nourish us. Find your team and honor it for it will make you stronger than you could ever be alone. Know that everyone comes into your life for a purpose, so do your best to know what it is and be thankful.
In this country when people connect from their heart drives, miracles happen. When I live in the knowledge of the above, I cannot be overwhelmed.
By the way, my partner, Dr. Jo Ann Piña, and I offer Complete Business Attitude Makeovers
Topics: Blogs | 1 Comment »
When The Earth Shakes, So do We
By Judith Parker Harris | January 20, 2010
Block: Who am I?
Buster: Decide to function in your most beneficial way and you will know.
How many times in a lifetime do we ask, “Who am I?” And, how many times do we get a different answer?
Still on the subject of overwhelm and focus, I submit the question to you once more as I examine it for myself.
At some point in our lives, whether through personal tragedy, loss, or a natural disaster such as the Haiti earthquake, we discover that it’s not what we have accumulated that defines us. It’s at that point that we talk about the relationships that define us. Who have we touched and who has touched us? Are we leaving a positive footprint? Are we giving more than taking? As hard as we work to nurture those relationships, however, and as invaluable as they are, we still face aloneness – we come in to this world alone and leave alone. So the answer to the question “Who am I” is yours alone to give to yourself alone.
To function in my most beneficial way I must function without ego and utilize my God-given talents that I have worked and studied very hard to develop in order to support myself and others. I must reach out with love not fear. I must trust that I am in the right place, doing the right thing at the right time with the right people and that will allow me to FOCUS. I must live in the present, let go of my past and resist my inherited habit of WORRYING about the future. I must be grateful every day. I must make connections every day to the people and the world around me.
Who am I? I am a woman reaching out every day to be a better person and to function in the most beneficial way! I am living in my creative and helping others to live in theirs. I am feeling the effects of the Haiti earthquake because we are all connected. My foundation shook, too. Now I will shake back with beneficial actions that answer who I am.
Please write back and tell me how you answer these questions and overcome the block of “Who am I?”
Topics: Blogs | 1 Comment »
In Haiti, Close-ups Heal
By Judith Parker Harris | January 19, 2010
Block: Or.
Buster: Why not and?
In television production long ago we learned that a close-up has more emotional impact than a wide shot. Why, because the eyes are the windows to the soul, and if you can see inside someone’s eyes you have the story. We’ve gone through a decade of pride in multi-tasking and are now learning that single tasking well done is the way to go, in order to do both – or more. Yes, this all has to do with the forest and the trees, because once again, it’s all about focus on the close-ups and the task at hand.
In Haiti after the horrific earthquake just days ago, people worldwide are responding due to the close-ups. The close-up introduces you to a person just like you. The wide shots are foreign. Eyes full of tears or fear or horror shoot the emotions straight to your heart and allow you to focus on what action you can take to be a part of the healing.
Today, I read an article in the Los Angeles Times about journalist/doctors, conflicted over whether to tell a story or to practice medicine due to the terrible shortage of medical personnel. Most are doing both, and that is, indeed, the answer. The simple truth is that THE ACTION IS THE STORY.
As a world now, we are analyzing ourselves to death by numbing feelings due to an over-exposure to wide shots when the close-up tells the story and the story is what unites us by connecting our hearts and minds. When my husband and I have an argument, I always feel a need to go on and on in order to analyze a resolution. He’s done way before I am, because the only thing he will believe is action based on the discussion. The words (the wide shot) are meaningless to him…the actions (the close-up) are everything.
So, Doctor/Journalists…bring us the stories one life at a time as you reach out to help and take action, the analysis is clear. People care about other people. When we are down, there will be those who help. As we rise up again, it will be one person at a time and that person will help another and those people will help others, and those will help others and the soil will be rich from the world’s tears that come to heal one tree at a time so a forest can eventually stand.
Hurrah for the doctor/journalists who choose “and” over “or,” as they focus on one step at a time and then another.
Topics: Blogs | 1 Comment »
When The Big Picture Makes You Feel Small
By Judith Parker Harris | January 18, 2010
BLOCK: Not being able to focus.
BUSTER: Look away from the forest so you can see the trees.
My last post on being overwhelmed had to do with the forest. Sometimes the big picture makes us feel far too small. What you have to do is go in for a close up on three trees of your choosing. Then decide to take 3 baby steps closer to each of those trees. As you accomplish the tasks you feel bigger. Soon, you’ll be able to look at the forest again and know that it’s no match for you – not when you have a zoom lens on your camera that you can focus where you choose.
This week my 3 trees are: To enjoy the rain storms in Los Angeles. I love the sound, the smell, and how clean the rain makes everything look. I love to walk with someone under one umbrella as we run for cover in a corner café. I know, I’m corny. Tree number 2 is to prepare a speech and product for the Junior League. Tree number 3 is to help design a contest for my social media mastermind. The ground beneath my trees is made up of my relationships – especially my marriage, which takes time and energy everyday – thankfully.
More on the trees, the forest and the soil tomorrow.
Topics: Blogs | No Comments »