What better way to spend a few moments every day than by busting a few blocks? I challenge you to Bust A Block A Day. That means when you’re in a conversation or situation that suddenly makes you feel uncomfortable, as anger or fear or any one of 400 other often repressed emotions starts trying to get out of your system – STOP.
1) Pause and don’t say anything. Check out what you are feeling and what you are about to say and ask, “Is this how I really feel and what I really think or is this a block. Blocks are thoughts and emotions that you can’t control, most likely because you absorbed them from someone else.
2) Throw out the first reactive comments or feelings that come to mind – that would be the block.
3) Make a conscious choice about how you think and feel today and let that be your response.

You’ve done it! You’ve said good-bye to a block you have successfully busted.

Many times when we run into a block we go into auto-anger-pilot. We see auto-anger-pilot at work all around us every single day, which is why I call our wonderful, but stressed-out nation, THE UNITED STATES OF ANGER.

BLOCKBUSTER ANGER VILLAINS QUIZ

Please take a moment to answer the 7 questions below to learn which villain may be causing anger to complicate your life.

The seven questions correspond numerically to the Villains numbered and listed right below the questions. After each question please circle on a scale of 1 to 5 how much you experience the feelings described. (1 denotes seldom feeling that way, all the way to 5 representing feeling that way a lot.) When finished add up your score and see where you fall on the Anger Villain Scale.

1) Do you find yourself stuck in a chain of complaints – never totally happy with anything at work or in life, as if you’ve been tricked or misled?
0 1 2 3 4 5 ____________
Your Rating

2) Do you feel like you’re never quite enough – pretty enough, rich enough, talented enough, smart enough, lucky enough…to get the job done?
0 1 2 3 4 5 _____________
Your Rating

3) Has some event or person killed your self-confidence or joy at work?
0 1 2 3 4 5 _____________
Your Rating
4) Do you find it necessary to hide behind excuses or role-playing instead of just being yourself?
0 1 2 3 4 5 _____________
Your Rating

5) Do you feel like something or someone is always more powerful than you, leaving you helpless, hopeless – even victimized?
0 1 2 3 4 5 _____________
Your Rating
6) Has the ability to love what you do been largely replaced by fear or anxiety in your life?
0 1 2 3 4 5 _____________
Your Rating
7) Do you find yourself waiting for the right circumstances to move forward, yet the circumstances are never quite right enough?

0 1 2 3 4 5 _____________
Your Rating

Total Points_____________

SCORE RESULTS:
1-3: Congratulations! You are a hero and a master of your emotions.

4 –10: You are conquering the anger villains, but you are still vulnerable.
11-15: Unfortunately, you are a “victim” of anger But, there is hope.
16 and above: One or more anger villains are running your life. Moving forward demands disarming them.

Villains: 1) Saboteur, 2) Pirate, 3) Killer, 4) Mugger, 5) Monster, 6) Lost Love, 7) Sorceress.

Thank you for taking time to answer all of these questions. If you’d like to know more about these villains, please go to the Villains page on my website, blockedtoblockbuster.com/villains.html
Also, try busting a block. When you do, there’s a place on my Blog to share your block, how you busted it, and to get a response from me.

Happy Block Busting!

Block: Anxiety
Buster: Excitement

I’m going in for a little “corrective” surgery tomorrow morning, and while it’s a safe procedure that I want to do, I found myself slogging through a worry pit of my own making this weekend. My poor husband had to put up with questions like this: “What if there’s an earthquake in the middle of my surgery?” What could he say? He just looked at me with a smile on his face that conveyed his amusement mixed with love and assurance.

And, who wouldn’t be amused? The very question show’s the audacity of thinking that I’m so much in the center of the world that an earthquake would follow me into surgery? But, that’s another topic isn’t it? Getting over thinking we are the center of the universe and realizing we’re simply part of an interconnected chain link fence that somehow holds things together.

Just last Friday, at a luncheon and book signing for Dani Shapiro’s recently released memoir, Devotion, I learned a new word that sums up my worry tendency. It’s a Yiddish word, Zorg, which means to create unnecessary anguish. The word makes me laugh when I say it, as I look back on the hours, days, months and, yes, years I have wasted zorging.

We have a choice, you see. My husband tells me that all the time. We can open our hearts to the joy and wonder of each new day, or we can fill the day with a thousand zorgs that will rob us of time, create anxiety and most likely will never happen. (With “most likely,” I left a little opening for a zorg to happen. Gotta stop that.)

So, today, as I prepare for my little procedure, I’m going to wish my surgeon a relaxed and blessed day, bask in the gratitude that I have for my wonderful life filled with friends, family, opportunities and incredible experiences, and every time I start to zorg, I’m going to ask myself, “Is this anything that I can do something about?” If so, I’ll do it. If not, I’ll bust through anxiety with excitement and embrace the day and my life with gratitude and love. I’ll do my part to stay connected to life’s chain link fence and be thankful for those who are supporting me on either side.

In my business, I find that practically every client shares one trait, they feel overwhelmed and anxious. These feelings sometimes lead to anger and beneath that anger is fear. Now, I have a confession to make. I, too, feel overwhelmed and anxious.

I teach my clients to drill down to find the source of the anxiety. We do that by looking at blocks, perceptions of other people, disappointments, losses, and the various stories in their lives. Recently, however, I was taken to the source of my own anxiety faster than I ever thought possible.

I was at a prestigious women’s luncheon, in which successful women in media come together to brainstorm solutions for our times. I had just shared about helping women visiting the United States from 7 middle Eastern countries to find commonality with each other and with American women by talking about their favorite movies. I also spoke about the importance of learning to listen carefully to what lies beneath the words people speak.

Suddenly I was asked a question: What do you wish you had done differently in your career up until now? I found myself saying, “I have always felt an overwhelming need to embrace and fix the problems of people around me.” Another woman asked pointedly, “When what you could be doing is simply acknowledging and understanding?”

I thought about that and a light bulb went on in my head. It’s when you want to embrace and fix everything that anxiety becomes overwhelming. To a certain degree, President Obama wants to embrace and fix everything and the entire nation is anxious.

It takes time, but acknowledging and understanding is far more comprehensive. Acknowledging allows you to take a person and perhaps a problem they are presenting in to your consciousness without criticism, judgment, blame You simply acknowledge and sit with it for awhile without taking responsibility.

Understanding allows you to look at the challenge or complication from all sides to see where you might be able to help, lead, guide, share experience, or perhaps simply console or empathize. When the big burden of embracing and fixing is removed, freedom is found to fit in where needed and then move on – or stay if you see another area in which you fit.

It helps to look at what lies beneath the word “fix,” and that is the assumption that something is broken. The truth is that what you are struggling to fix may not be broken at all, it’s just suffering a growing pain. The assumption of broken sets up a polarization of “You are broken, I am not,” “You need fixing, I don’t.” “You are wrong, I am right.” Like a plant needing water, minerals and sunlight, it just needs nurturing, care and the benefit of someone else’s light to see how to take the next step. Beware, however, that step may be taken differently than you would take it, because it’s their movie not yours.

The magical difference is that acknowledging and understanding is by choice not obligation – by connection not usurpation. And the irony of it is, something may be fixed in the process – in a whole new way than you would ever expect.

My husband, Jack, and I love Valentine’s Day. We have celebrated 23 of them together and each one has been grand. He showers me with flowers, cards, and a sparkly gift and I shower him with candy, cards and some mushy, little gift. We have a glorious brunch if it’s Sunday like today, or an extravagant dinner most any other day of the week. We toast and we remember our other beautiful Valentine’s days.

This year comes after Jack has been very ill, thus this year we are extra grateful. In fact, at Brunch an ambulance came to take away a stricken diner and I know we both were thankful the ride wasn’t for us. How many more Valentine’s days do we have? How many more perfect days?

And, there is the real question and sometimes the problem. Sometimes we put so much worry into making it the perfect day that we forget to just notice the day. Instead we are knocked off course by any number of little things that can go wrong to disturb our perfect day. We didn’t get the right waiter, the table wobbled, motorcyclists disturbed the quiet, he or she didn’t say the right thing, maybe we should have gone to __________ instead. All of these saboteur thoughts and nuisances can ruin a perfect day as they distract us into the “I can’t” part of our brains.

But, what if it’s not a perfect day. What if it’s the “best day you can possibly make it day?” It’s just a slight brain twist. When it’s “the best you can make it day,” you have a choice about all the things that could take you off track. You can decide not to notice, to make the best of it, to incorporate it into your day, to discuss it, to relish surprises, to work it into your day, to laugh it off, to stay focused, and that’s just a few of the possible choices.

When I was in my early 20’s, I had a perfect day and I stopped my companion and simply said, “snapshot.” He asked, “What?” And, I said, I’m taking a mental snapshot so I remember this day always. I then found myself looking for perfect moments to snapshot. But, instead of more, I had fewer mental snapshots because I was waiting for “perfect.”

Today, I feel that my 23 Valentines Days with Jack have been the best we could possibly make them, and that is absolutely fabulous. Today, I am reminded to do that every day – to put the “special” way we treat each other on Valentines into every single day. The roses, and candy and gifts are very nice, but the absolute essential is saying “I love you,” and also saying something else really nice –noticing something you’ve taken for granted, being conscious of the couple and what it means to be together, taking in the other’s needs and expectations, stopping to SEE each other as if for the first time again. The search for perfection can keep you from seeing and enjoying the moment. The buster is to put the heart into every day and to be conscious of and receptive to those you love.

It’s Super Bowl Sunday and I’m one of those people who is completely obsessed with the advertising that runs as opposed to the football game. After all, I was in the biz.

Today, however, while watching the Sunday Morning Show on CBS, I learned a new word…mocketing. (as opposed to marketing) A group of kids was being interviewed about commercials they like and they “hated” or “mocked” anything with heart. They are totally into messages delivered with sarcasm, ridicule, silliness, scorn, contempt and humiliation. All words used to define mock by the way: (Mock – to treat somebody with scorn or contempt. To imitate people in a way that is intended to make them appear silly or ridiculous. To prevent something from succeeding in a way that causes frustration or humiliation.)

This flies in the face of the old advertising adage, “If you want someone to buy your product, you must show that your product takes away a pain they are suffering. Good advertising used to solve a problem thereby making the consumer feel good. Now our ads must cause pain and humiliation of some kind to get attention.

This takes me back to an article I wrote called, “The United States of Anger.” We are such an angry culture now that we don’t identify with loving, feel good, heartfelt messages.
In order for a message to get through, it must be delivered with a “mean” edge. Mocking doesn’t stop with marketing, there is mockudramas, mockvertising, mockumentaries…and the list goes on.

So, I ask, what is mocking blocking? Perhaps our ability to feel emotions that open us up to being vulnerable. Oh, no! It’ much better to mock all the people on reality TV, like all the losers on American Idol. You don’t have to feel anything if you stay on the surface where you can tease and make fun of and laugh at people making fools of themselves. Mocking is made up of fear, distrust, disappointment and complete lack of respect. Any wonder our kids are feeling this way when they have been let down by so many of their leaders, heroes and institutions? Tiger Woods was a hero, now he’s a lightening rod of ridicule and mockery. Tabloid journalism and internet social media is full of the latest good guy or gal gone bad.

How do you bust the mocking block? I suggest that we actually have to give our kids something to love, trust, respect and believe in – and then teach them how to do just that. While rebuilding our society after the huge Recession we’ve suffered, we need to focus on what there is to love, respect and believe in and build from that. In the same morning show today, they also did a story on the family who sold their big, beautiful home, bought a much smaller home in a different neighborhood and gave half the money to charity to combat hunger in the world. The family found a charity to love and in the process found more love for each other and more love and contentment in their lives. Take that mockery! And, score one for love and respect.

As for the Super Bowl ads today – I’m going to watch them and see if I can find one that makes me feel good, that solves a problem for me, and that makes me feel love – and if I do, I’m going to buy that product.

I want to share an excellent blog post with you written by the Social Media Boomer, Barbara White. Exploring the conundrum of how you make money through social media when you are encouraged to give so much of your information away for free. The title of her article is, Social Media is about Giving and Supporting Others.
thesocialmediaboomer.com/social-media/social-media-is-about-giving-and-supporting-others

Barbara walks her talk. She set up my social bookmarking for me — for free, gave our group a seminar on tweetdeck and offers what I think is the question of the decade: With all information accessible to everyone from so many different sources, how do people make a living off of their own intellectual property? The music industry sees their songs downloaded for free, piracy in the film industry is rampant and all the big players in the book publishing industry are struggling to remain relevant when up against I-pads and the next latest and greatest invention to disseminate books for next to nothing.

So, I ask all of you, is free the answer? And how about the partner of free, which is forming communities, partnerships, groups and teams to help each other succeed?

There is one thing I know for sure and that is that in today’s Information Society, connecting with others is crucial to success. I am happy to be connected to Barbara White and I encourage you to do the same.

The rest of my article is the comment that was inspired by Barbara’s Blog post.

About 20-years ago, I had my first epiphany. I was in an impossibly hard exercise class in Hawaii with all other women participants half my age. I tried to keep up, but couldn’t. My goal was to get into a body-hugging, jeweled dress for the Academy Awards. (I was attending for the first time) When I felt my lungs about to explode, I suddenly looked around me for help and I saw that I was surrounded by beauty — the Pacific Ocean on one side and beautiful tropical gardens all around. I took in deep, body cleansing breaths and suddenly had more energy flow into my body than I knew what to do with. The epiphany: Everything you need is all around you and if you connect to the energy you will thrive on abundance. I caught up with the girls, finished the workout, fit into the dress and had a great time at the Awards. However, my life changed. I would always be aware of my environment, my connections and the energy field of my life.
Thank you, Barbara, for the epiphany from our Master Mind. I, too, have been haunted by giving away my hard-earned intellectual property for free. In the movie business, the copyright and ownership is everything, but that, too, is being eroded. For me, the bottom line is to get your gift out there. Make connections everywhere that you can, be conscious of the opportunities all around you and build through team work and community like we have in our own little, mastermind family.
This is a huge topic. Let’s all continue to get it out there and help each other reap the rewards of our talent, knowledge and hard work.

I leave you with the question: What do we own other than the impact we have on others and on our planet? It seems that everything else we are simply borrowing or renting for the short time we’re here.

I am currently helping my husband find an agent for his incredible memoir, BLOB DADDY. One came highly recommended to me by a dear friend and colleague, but she, like everyone else is B-U-S-Y.

Because we came highly recommended, the agent took my first call immediately. She also read my first email with alacrity and agreed, enthusiastically to read the manuscript. It was then that communication dried up. I emailed, to know avail. I called to no avail, but I then did something I normally would not do. I remained patient.

You see, patience is not my strong suit, although I do feel it is one of my main lessons I am supposed to learn in this life. Perhaps because this contact is for my husband and not myself, and because he is so confident in himself and everything he does, I decided to wait patiently (and confidently).

I then did the second thing I would not normally do. I followed up persistently. Not a nuisance, mind you, I emailed short, pithy and humorous little reminders every couple of weeks. After a month passed, I called and left a short, pithy and humorous phone message. When no answer came, I called again in two days and she answered the phone.

I then surprised myself with my third change in character. I dropped any hint of “an attitude,” and went directly to sympathetic and empathetic, saying, “I’m so sorry to bother you, I know how busy you must be, but my husband just turned 91 and we really want to get this memoir published while he can still sign books, and we’d love to work with you.” She laughed in disbelief and promised to read it enthusiastically. Then she said something that shocked me. She said, you have just displayed the three key elements that must be present for me to want to work with someone, “patience, persistence and politeness.”

I was shocked, as I had just dedicated myself to all three qualities while trying to forge a relationship with her.

I have got to believe that we are a match made in publishing heaven, and to that end I will remain, patient, persistent and polite.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had it with “negative” entertainment. I’m ready for an SPE – what I call A Shared Positive Experience.
At a time when we are bombarded with more news than ever before and most of it is BAD, when people of all ages are starting over, when communities internationally are substituting human connection with on-line chat rooms and electronic social networking, when depression is on the rise, isolation is a growing fear, and communication is misconstrued, misconceived and misinterpreted what are people looking for and finding less of then ever before?
SHARED POSITIVE EXPERIENCES

There are shared experiences to spare that are frightening, shocking, shameful, horrifying, titillating and emotionally gut wrenching. Do we need another movie about the apocalypse? I think not. There is a shocking shortage, however of SHARED POSTITIVE EXPERIENCES. Test it yourself. What are you talking to co-workers about at the water cooler? What are you discussing with your families? How many SPE’s have you found in a headline that goes viral around the world? What are you reading and listening to? If you took a piece of paper, divided it into two columns headed Positive and Negative, and then wrote down all of your thoughts today, which column would fill up first?

And what is the best way to communicate an SPE worldwide? What is the best way to get SPE conversations happening through every form of communication? What is the best way in trying times of unimaginable difficulties to provide people with not only an inexpensive escape, but also a possible change in attitude and life options? The answer is –Through a movie. Look what’s happening with AVATAR. James Cameron has changed the way movies will be made and he was simultaneously able to tell an updated version of Pocahontas – leaving the audience with hope above all. Why are movies so powerful? Because movies communicate a whole story – not a sound bite, headline, teaser, or synopsis, but a whole story.

Stories are as old as mankind. They have a beginning, middle and end, they have a point of view, they have a heroic character arc wherein something is learned, someone is changed, action is taken and rewards are achieved.

I use movies in my business to help clients find the script in their lives that will allow them to effect the change they desire as the move from Blocked to BlockBuster. The first step is to get rid of the villain or villains (there are 7 of them) that are standing in your way. Then you can create your own BlockBuster hit. Just think about your favorite movie and how it makes you feel. Now imagine if you were starring in your own movie. What would it be about? Who would be the hero? How would you become heroic? What growth would you share with others? What would be your SHARED POSITIVE EXPERIENCE? You can start right no by naming your movie – simply fill in the blanks. Your name Gets your intention (what do you most want to accomplish or change. Example: Maryann Gets to Publish Her Memoir.

Movies can communicate any type of experience, but I suggest we concentrate on some healing themes, like the latest Harrison Ford movie, EXTRAORDINARY MEASURES. A client of mine has coined a phrase that I wish I’d thought of first, “Reel Healing Entertainment.” Now, that’s what I’m talking about… reels and reels of healing entertainment. Imagine being able to select from 2 or 3 movies every week that entertain at the same time that they help you grow, evolve, change and prosper in some way. That’s what I call a Shared Positive Experience.

A great way to start is with the movie in your life. I’d love to talk with you about it. Tell me about your movie in the comment section of this Blog.

I watched my first episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition last night and I was in for a shock. I have hung on tenaciously to my belief that reality TV wouldn’t last. I’m a child of television. I like scripted shows with a beginning, middle and end that are produced to the last line of dialogue. I don’t want to watch real people. I get enough of that every day. But this wasn’t just any home improvement, they tackled a whole neighborhood as they centered on a delightful woman from Jamaica, Delores Powell who purchased a 6-bedroom home in Buffalo, New York for her family before she knew it was condemned and scheduled to be demolished. Still, Delores was fueled by the love of her family and she managed to be the heart of an entire neighborhood that needed a makeover in the worst way.
I couldn’t stop looking. Thousands of people volunteered. They made her dump with no hot water where “nothing worked,” into a castle and, they took on 60 other jobs in this run down but proud neighborhood of Buffalo.
So, I have added another remedy to the feeling of overwhelm. Do what the Extreme Makeover folks do, volunteer, choose your makeover and get it done.
The villain of overwhelm survives on two words, “I can’t. To take the villain down, you must say, I can,” and that’s what they say on this reality show. Every square inch of the makeover of this home centered on the possibility for each member of the family. There was a budding architect, a writer, an athlete and a singer. Each room expressed each child’s dream as a reality, including the Mom who wanted to emerge from her cocoon and fly like a butterfly. I cried all the way through this show. Everyone was treated with dignity and the word “no” didn’t exist.
So, now I am a fan of this show, because it does what I encourage others to do when they face that overwhelmed feeling – “Say I can and do it.” Take action. The problem with many reality shows is that they are designed around the lowest aspirations, motivations and behaviors that people exhibit. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is designed around the best. Here are just a few: A woman’s home is her castle, Communities form to help each other be the best they can be. There is no such word as “can’t.” Dream big and then help make it happen. Embrace the opportunity that exists in our country. You can’t hold a good neighbor down – so get out of the way when neighbors come to help. We all need a community and when we find it, we must cherish it for it will, indeed, nourish us. Find your team and honor it for it will make you stronger than you could ever be alone. Know that everyone comes into your life for a purpose, so do your best to know what it is and be thankful.
In this country when people connect from their heart drives, miracles happen. When I live in the knowledge of the above, I cannot be overwhelmed.
By the way, my partner, Dr. Jo Ann Piña, and I offer Complete Business Attitude Makeovers

How many times in a lifetime do we ask, “Who am I?” And, how many times do we get a different answer?
Still on the subject of overwhelm and focus, I submit the question to you once more as I examine it for myself.

At some point in our lives, whether through personal tragedy, loss, or a natural disaster such as the Haiti earthquake, we discover that it’s not what we have accumulated that defines us. It’s at that point that we talk about the relationships that define us. Who have we touched and who has touched us? Are we leaving a positive footprint? Are we giving more than taking? As hard as we work to nurture those relationships, however, and as invaluable as they are, we still face aloneness – we come in to this world alone and leave alone. So the answer to the question “Who am I” is yours alone to give to yourself alone.

To function in my most beneficial way I must function without ego and utilize my God-given talents that I have worked and studied very hard to develop in order to support myself and others. I must reach out with love not fear. I must trust that I am in the right place, doing the right thing at the right time with the right people and that will allow me to FOCUS. I must live in the present, let go of my past and resist my inherited habit of WORRYING about the future. I must be grateful every day. I must make connections every day to the people and the world around me.

Who am I? I am a woman reaching out every day to be a better person and to function in the most beneficial way! I am living in my creative and helping others to live in theirs. I am feeling the effects of the Haiti earthquake because we are all connected. My foundation shook, too. Now I will shake back with beneficial actions that answer who I am.

Please write back and tell me how you answer these questions and overcome the block of “Who am I?”