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By Judith Parker Harris
What are you struggling with that you just can’t get off the ground? Is it your health, your finances, a relationship, your purpose in life? Three little words will lift you out of the struggle and deposit answers in your lap – ATTITUDE DETERMINES ALTITUDE.
In short, you can’t fly until your attitude reflects where you are going or who or what you want to attract in your life. Recently, I was running out of patience with my husband’s lack of hearing. With each repetition of the same sentence, my voice would grow in volume and anger. Our communication was grounded.
What did I do? I changed my attitude. I swallowed my lack of patience and responded with kindness and love every single time. I leaned in closer to him, I made eye contact, I changed my wording, I caressed him rather than glaring at him. Surprise, he started to hear me with fewer repetitions and rewarded me with his own change of attitude.
In the beauty salon this morning, my hairdresser (also the salon owner) was complaining about the immaturity and outright rudeness of his co-workers. I shared my 3 little words, and I could see him start to soar. He decided to raise the attitude bar by setting the example he wanted others to mirror. Immediately, the atmosphere in the shop changed. He had been sinking to their level rather than giving them the opportunity to rise to the desired level of their shared business attitude and atmosphere.
My bookkeeper is going on a 5-day silence retreat in a Monastery. She’s worried because her friends and family think she’s crazy and destined to fail. I shared ATTITUDE DETERMINES ALTITUDE with her along with a reminder that their perceptions are not her truth. I also asked her to predetermine her success by focusing on the outcome she wants and opening her heart to wonderful outcomes she may never have imagined.
Here it is, 3 BLOCKBUSTER steps to achieve 3 little words, ATTITUDE DETERMINES ALTITUDE:
- LISTEN inward for an old attitude that is keeping you grounded from accomplishing an important current goal.
- OPEN YOUR HEART to a new behavior and attitude that will help you lift off to success. (This is often the opposite of what is keeping you blocked)
- FOCUS on the outcome you want from your attitude makeover and say good-bye to old behavior, habits and routines that keep you stuck in the old attitude.
By the way, these 3 little words came to me “uncredited” from a motivational speaker group I belong to on Linked In. We were all asked to share our favorite motivational quotes. Mine was, “Wake up with joy in your heart for what the day may bring,” a quote from my ever-optimistic husband. He and his quote are definitely part of the reason my altitude stays high when I’m conscious of fueling it with my desired attitudes.
Schwarzenegger Epitomizes Lost Love Villain
By Judith Parker Harris
“I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, only more love.”
Mother Theresa
I found this quote in the program for a charity luncheon I attended last week, benefiting TEEN LINE, a teen-to-teen hotline and outreach program affiliated with Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.
The luncheon proved to be the last time Maria Shriver, Arnold Schwarzenegger and oldest daughter Katherine were together without the black cloud of “separation shame, cheater, father to an illegitimate son, disgraced wife” ripped through their lives. Then the saturation news coverage began, all Schwarzenegger Scandal all the time, blah-blah-blah. Add to that TV’s drama fictionalizing the reality of guilty male politician shaming “The Good Wife.”
As the world watches the Schwarzenegger meltdown, I have been simultaneously coaching several 30-45-year-old men who are attempting to love deeply – even to the point of commitment after failed relationships. But, guess what? They don’t know how. One man contemplating breaking out of a 4-year relationship wants to line up at least 3 new relationship possibilities before jumping out of his “safe” one. Another, already separated, wants to run back, but not really, as he struggles over the impact his leaving has had on his 3 kids. Both admit they are not sure what love is.
So, the question is, what lessons are we teaching our children about lasting love? Do we teach love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, only more love?" No, we teach love until you get an “owie,” then run. Do we teach “work on it, don’t give up, nurture the one you love?” No, far too often, we espouse, “When the going gets tough, get out.” Do we teach to “Deny ourselves temptation,” or do we rationalize human weakness and rally around second chances? One female client after another comes to me crying about men who lack a sense of responsibility, who are commitment-phobic, with no sense of trust, and who have very little connection to even a basic sense of right and wrong.
What’s the problem? FEAR! Frightened people need to yell before they are yelled at, bully before they are revealed, stop loving before they are hurt and run before they are caught. They have a giant hole inside that is filled with MORE – more money, more sex, more highs, more attention, more power.
Ironically, the power they seek by gorging on more, different and new in the “grass is greener” unconscious mode, leaves them empty of the fuel of life, and that fuel is LOVE – of themselves, their lives and the people with whom they connect.
Arnold is the epitome of the “LOST LOVE” Villain. If he had filled up with love, there would have been no room for the fear that fills his life and threatens the happiness of those he “governed.”
An Earthquake in Japan Sends Tremors Through Us All
By Judith Parker Harris
If we needed a reminder that the world is a global village, it was shaken into us on March 11, 2011 when a 9.0 horrific earthquake hit Japan. We watched, and felt hopeless at the lack of our ability to help as Japan, best prepared, technologically to handle such a disaster, crumbled in the grip of nature’s force. We counted down the hours, only eight, until the tsunami hit California’s coastline. We could not look away from a “real” reality show that impacts us all.
We also could not help but ask, “What if it was me?” And the answer is – in a way it is you, we are all in it together and we are all one. Damage to oil refineries is impacting recession recovery in the United States. Lessons learned from this Huge Pacific Disaster will be grabbed up and utilized by everyone in an Earthquake zone. Damage to Japan’s nuclear power plants is causing worldwide scrutiny regarding the safety of nuclear power. Business being done with Japan is slowing down as we change focus to help the victims survive. On a micro-level, my husband and I are doing business in Japan relating to his movie library. We quickly sat down and sent an email to our new “friends,” to make sure they were safe. They are safe, but not without personal loss.
Strangers held each other on the streets of Tokyo. In my yoga class we focused our meditation on the survivors and the victims.
What if it was me? It is you, and it is me. We have no idea what nature will do next. One thing we can be sure of, however, the best way to handle whatever comes along is to help each other and to have a plan. We spend way too much of our lifetimes pitting ourselves against each other and finding reasons to be “us” vs. “them, when really we are the same. We vilify each other. When faced with true life and death danger, a monster beyond our imaginations, we do the same things. We run for safety, for shelter, for help. We bleed the same. We need food and water, we need a structure to keep us safe from the elements, and we need human contact and care. The manmade disasters throughout the world – all of the wars – do we need to manufacture those when there are so many natural disasters to overcome and so many reasons to unite and help each other survive?
Earthquakes, fires, tornados, hurricanes and tsunamis do not care about your religion, ethnicity, politics, sexual preferences or your financial standing. We are like tiny, little ants in the face of what nature can bring. We fall through the cracks, we wash out to sea, we are trampled by the footprint of floods, fires, and earth-shaking fury. Was what we were fighting about before the earthquake so important? Or, is it more important to work together to save each other before the next natural disaster? And, here’s an idea – why not take all the energy we use to fight each other and invest it in finding a cure for what ails us? I predict heroic results.
7 WAYS TO BUST BLOCKS IN YOUR LIFE AND GET UN-STUCK
By Judith Parker Harris
The Blocked to Block-Buster Tip Sheet is dedicated to helping you bust through the blocks in your life so you can get what you want.
Today we’re going to explore blocks and seven ways to bust them out of your life.
First, What is a Block?
A block is any thought or emotion that is STUCK in your brain and that pops up sub-consciously to stop you in your tracks. Most often you are unaware of the block. It usually represents a disappointment, a broken heart experience, a loss, a failure – some experience that you decided to bury and perhaps deal with at a later date.
Blocks keep you from getting what you want out of life. Blocks keep you stuck in habits, patterns, routines and behaviors that are not working for you. These are the elusive things that you would like to change about yourself if you could just define it, find it, get your hands around it, understand it, express it. You can be blocked personally or blocked as an organization or a business.
Find Your Block
Here are some examples of blocks:
- You can’t seem to finish anything. You have a ton of wonderful ideas, but none of them completely come to fruition. I call it chain-doubting – whether it’s too expensive, too complicated, too time-consuming, or too whatever, you just can’t get it done.
- You always seem to be lacking the one thing you need to get what you want – whether it’s more information, more money, more luck, more help, more time – there’s always something missing. Everybody else has it, but not you.
- You are always stuck waiting for something to happen before you take action. If __________ happens then I’ll do it. If I lose weight, then I’ll look for a job. If my prince comes then I’ll find love. If my break comes, then I’ll succeed.
- You feel like no one believes in you. You live in the past, completely cut off from your future. You might say things like, “I’ve failed before, why should this be any different? Who do I think I am? Your self-confidence and joy for life are at an all time low.
- You feel like you’re an imposter – that you’re fooling people for a short time, but you will be caught. Someone will find you out and stop you. They will lower the boom or the ceiling on your life.
- You are absolutely sure that everyone else has the power. They make the decisions and pull the strings. You are just a pawn, a helpless and hopeless victim when it comes to bucking the system or even just breaking through.
- You’re afraid to go after your dream, leave your job, believe in yourself or go after what you really love. When it gets right down to it – you’re afraid to love.
7 WAYS TO BUST THOSE BLOCKS
1) FIND THEM.You can’t bust through the blocks unless you know what they are. When you feel stuck, ask yourself, “What do I think is blocking me?”
2) INDULGE IN SOME CHAIN-COMPLAINING. Once you have found your, try to identify who taught you to feel or act that way then, let yourself complain a bit. Feel it, write about it, shout it out and…
3) LET IT GO! When the tirade is done, let it go. Once you’ve identified the perpetrators of your block and your chain complainin’ is done, you can give it back to them, and move on to the final step which is one of empowerment. Write down the opposite of the doubting statements in your mind.
4) THROW OUT THE CAN’T, BRING ON THE CAN AND WON’T.
Make a new list or script:
I am talented enough…
I can do this.
I won’t fall into your belief system.
5) BREATHE YOUR WAY OUT OF THE BLOCK The very act of breathing, getting rid of the old to make room for the new, is actually a metaphor for what you need to do to free yourself from any block. You need to breathe out the old, foul thinking, doubts and saboteurs that have your brain locked in blank mode, and breathe in new creative thoughts and inspirations. You want to breathe out the garbage and breathe in the muse.
6) MEDITATE YOUR WAY OUT OF BLOCKS. When we are blocked, we must take our intense concentration off of that which is blocking us and put it somewhere else. Sit on the floor or in a chair with your feet flat on the floor. Close your eyes and breathe deeply for about 30 seconds. Ask yourself these questions – “What do I need to do to find and release this block? What is my body trying to tell me?" Then, listen for 20 minutes. Let the thoughts come and go through your brain. Do not act or react. When the 20 minutes is up, slowly open your eyes and you will most likely have the answers you seek, or you will be given the answers sometime within the day.
7) Find Your Villains. The next issues will give an overview of the 7 Success-Defying Villains.
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