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HOW ARE YOU SPENDING THE IRREPLACEABLE HOURS OF YOUR LIFE?

By Judith Parker Harris

I’m a week behind in reading my favorite section of the New York Times, Sunday Review. Last week’s article by Diane Ackerman, “The Brain on Love,” explains my philosophy of healing so well, that I must share it with you. She says, “The brain is constantly rewiring itself based on daily life. In the end, what we pay the most attention to defines us. How you choose to spend the irreplaceable hours of your life literally transforms you.”

Years ago, when healing from Multiple Sclerosis, Deepak Chopra’s words became my mantra, “Every year 98% of the cells in your body are brand new.” So, I thought, why not concentrate on creating new, healthy cells, free of MS. Whether I did that or not, is yet to be scientifically proven, but I’m healthier now, 20 plus years later, and I believe my focus on creating healthy cells helped.

Ackerman goes on to say, “Loving relationships alter the brain the most significantly.” So, I must confess, two years into healing from MS, I met my soul mate, Jack. We’ve been married almost 25 years. We’ve guided each other through surgeries, illnesses and life’s ups and downs. My overall impression of our years together, however, is joyful, exquisite, irreplaceable. His voice is my favorite sound, his touch, my anxiety reliever.

His blood pressure has been a bit of concern lately. I take it twice a day and concentrate on my touch helping him to bring it down. It’s working and, sure enough, the article said, “Holding your partner’s hand is enough to subdue blood pressure ease stress improve health and lessen pain.” Ah, what glorious things we can do for each other with love.

As I tell my clients every day, start with learning to love yourself. Run from negativity and prognostications. Don’t accept a diagnosis as your prognosis. Focus on your desired outcome. Imagine what it feels like to have already accomplished it, and live in that positive feeling as much as you can every day. Surround yourself with people you admire and who can lift you closer to your goal achievement. As Ackerman says, “It’s in loving relationships of all sorts – partners, children, close friends – that brain and body really thrive.” Your heart has an endless capacity for love as long as you leave it open. Then, let the miracles begin!

THE HEATLH DETECTIVE

By Judith Parker Harris

Fortune tellers, horoscopes, crystal balls, tea leaves, tarot cards, psychics, and of course experts of all varieties including teachers, preachers, pundits and peers—many of us are looking for answers in all the wrong places – outside of ourselves. Truth is, the answers come from the inside – of each one of us. Yes, we are all the source of our own answers. 

I did not want to hear that when I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease (AD), multiple sclerosis, in 1985. I was numb from the waist down, partially blind and told I’d spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. The doctors even dared to tell me to sell my advertising agency. At the time, they had no answers, no medications, and no cure for what ailed me.

So I began working my way through some emotions – fearful, blame-filled, disgusted, helpless, hopeless – until I got to ANGER. I was mad as hell that no one could help me, and that actually helped me plug into the determination to help myself BIG TIME.

I became a detective, a Health Detective. After all, I’d been a journalist, a writer, a producer – I knew how to ask and answer the 5 W’s. So here goes. Feel free as you read along to apply these questions to any challenge you may be facing at this time.

Question 1: WHO “done” it to whom? Me! I was the victim and the accomplice rolled into one. And, somehow, I had to learn to become the victor. Or, as I call it, I had to move from BLOCKED TO BLOCKBUSTER. The crime of Multiple Sclerosis had been committed against me. It had robbed me of my health, my hope, and my ability to focus on the subject of my choice. Now, I had to focus on it and WHY it had happened to me.

Question 2: WHY? Why was I numb from the waist down? Why had I lost my central vision? Why was I out of balance? Why did I experience an electric shock traveling down my spine whenever I looked down?

Could it be because I numbed myself in childhood not to feel the horror of my alcoholic father? Could it be that I trained myself from the age of 4 only to look straight ahead and to simply not see what I could not handle? Could it be that I lost my balance because my life had none? And, that electric shock – could it be that my central nervous system had short circuited – that it simply was refusing to send the messages I intended because it was frazzled out on overload?

YES, YES, YES, AND YES as far as I’m concerned.

Question 3: WHAT? Multiple Sclerosis that’s what! In a sense I had prepared myself emotionally all of my life to have multiple sclerosis. Instead of dealing with the heartaches, disappointments, losses, failures and fears of my life, I focused on WORK, WORK, WORK. So, the emotional wounds, I call them MULTIPLE SCARS, hung out in my body where eventually they could pair up with physical symptoms and make me very sick.

Question 4: WHERE was I when the symptoms attacked? My first symptom happened when I was driving back to the office from a stressful client meeting. I couldn’t see the center section of a billboard almost directly in front of me. As I sank into denial and pretended to see just fine, more symptoms joined the first. The harder I worked, the more symptoms that appeared. So, I got to work on a timeline to compare the where, what and when of my emotional life with my physical symptoms.

WHEN? Now! I had to find the motive now. Perhaps to save my life, to introduce me to love, to open my eyes to the world around me and outside of me, to guide me to a purpose in life…? I would not listen to my body. In fact, I hated my body for betraying me. My body was in my way. 

And the weapon in the crime of MS? My own thoughts and emotions. 

If I was going to get well from MS, I was going to have to become a detective and put the pieces of my life back together again. I had to find the answers tucked into the WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, WHY of my life – and as I did, my symptoms disappeared one by one.

I hated that the answers were inside of me and not in some magical outside source. But, now I love helping others learn to be the detective in their own lives to find the answer they seek regarding health, relationships, careers, finances and more.

Just as in an AD, when healthy bodies attack their own cells, often people attack themselves by not finding their own truth.

How many things do you carry inside of you that attack you? Ask a lot of questions and then ask some more. If you have trouble finding answers, then call on me, the Health Detective, symptom-free of MS for 20+ years. Your thoughts and emotions may not be the ONLY reason you have an illness, or other problems in your life, but no one knows how large of a part they play, and they are the only part of healing we can control. So I say, solve the crimes in your life by disarming the weapons your thoughts and emotions hold. 

Note: Attend a free one-hour webinar that teaches 8 Block Busters for Mastering MS or other Autoimmune Diseases, and you’ll be well on your way to becoming your own Health Detective. (See related article in this issue)

GOING TO

By Judith Parker Harris

What have you been saying for the longest time that you are “going to?”

Going to:

Call someone
Do something
Start a project
Lose weight
Change your hair
Get some new friends
Be a better ___________________
Save your money, make more money, invest your money…
Volunteer
De-clutter your life
Take an inventory

January is my favorite month of the year, because as it begins, I have renewed energy for my “going to” list. This year, however, I’m not “GOING TO” call it that. I’m simply calling it my DO LIST.

So often “Going to” is associated with the Sorceress Villain which means you are Going to when something else happens. When ____________, I’m GOING TO __________. The awful part is “When __________” never seems to happen and even if it does, there is another “When ____________” right after it.

We can solve that problem with a DO list which calls for immediate ACTION. When you catch yourself saying, “I’M GOING TO DO,” stop and reframe or rephrase. Verbalize your intention as an action statement in the here and now. You are not going to wait for anything. You are just DOING IT.

Another suggestion is to have a TO DO buddy. Choose someone you can promise and report to.

Just so there’s no confusion here are a few rewrites of weak “Going to” thoughts into strong action statements.

I am going to lose weight becomes I am losing weight this year.

I am going to get a job becomes I am getting a job and loving it.

I am going to improve my financial status becomes I am increasing my wealth by budgeting and investing.

I am going to improve my health becomes I am improving my health by adding exercise daily.

OK, now it’s your turn.

You will notice that in most of the above examples, I not only stated the intention in the present tense, but I also paired it with immediate action to take.

Do you see the weakness in the phrase “I’m going to do that”? It doesn’t say when, therefore, it can just be added to a never-ending list of guilt making GOING TO DO’S that never get done. 

I ask you, “When are you going to do it?” And, I hope I’m hearing a chorus of answers that sound like this – I’m doing it NOW!!!

I leave you with this thought wrapped in a book recommendation. In the book HOW by Dov Seidman, President Bill Clinton’s Foreword included this thought about our mission as part of a global economy, “This new focus requires all of us to think about the how, and to find new ways to take action to solve the global issues that none of us can tackle alone.” So, whether as an individual or as part of the world community, I say, “Out with the “going to” It’s not about when it’s about HOW, and the time to do it is NOW.”

How To Start Receiving Your Body’s Signals

By Judith Parker Harris

What’s your body telling you when it gets sick? As the BlockBuster Coach, one of the most common blocks I hear is the lament, “I need a sign.” My answer is, “You need another sign? Pay attention to the signs your body had been sending you for so long.”

Don’t you just hate it when you are told, “The answers you seek are already deep inside of you. All you have to do is access your own wisdom.” Well, I’m an expert on that one, in fact I’m quoting myself. My body had to go numb, become partially blind and lose its balance before I stopped in my tracks and said, “Hey, what are you trying to tell me?” I am certain that my body manifested Multiple Sclerosis to keep workaholism from killing me.

I didn’t see doors of opportunity, I saw dead ends. When I read this quote from Helen Keller, however, a little light went on. She said, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.”

Was that true? Was I focusing on closed doors? I sure was. I held on to relationships that needed to end. I failed to replace employees who were not doing the job because I thought I could change them. My carefully designed “look” (hair, clothing style and make-up) hadn’t changed in 20 years. I had chronic bronchitis, constant exhaustion, two automobile accidents, but still I wasn’t listening — I was STUCK, and soon, my out-of-balance life caused me to go numb.

Listen for what, you may ask? Listen for the open doors. Here’s a little experiment you’ll find enlightening. Using the list of prompters below, list five signals your body (or life) sent you over the last month indicating that you needed to stop staring at a closed door and open a new one: Accident, Traffic Ticket, Anger, Depression, Lethargy, Fights, Drowsiness, Mistakes, Cravings, Urges, Longings, Memories, Family Trouble, Social ups & downs, Community, Stress, Discomfort, Illness, Sloppiness, Disrespect, No control.

Now that you have the five signals or messengers it’s time to connect the dots. Let’s say your signals are anger, a fender bender, mistakes at work, lack of control and fights. List them all on a piece of paper then play the detective game. What are the who, what, where, when and why of your signals.
Why are you angry? With whom are you really angry? Why were you not paying attention when driving? Why so many careless mistakes? What makes you feel out of control? Why the fights? What’s the point of them?

As you answer the questions, take a highlighter and underline what your answers have in common. See if the answers will lead you to a new intention – something you want to accomplish right now in your life, such as confront a friend, change your career, eat better, lose weight, face an unpleasant truth. When you define your intention, write down what you think is blocking you, such as fear of being alone, feeling unprepared, not “enough” of something, waiting for the right moment, being change-phobic… That will be your closed door! Once you’ve found the closed door, you can say good-bye forever, and walk through your open door – your intention.

Feel better? It’s called being conscious of why you do what you do when you do it. Look at your decisions, realize you have a choice, then make it. Conscious decisions will lead you through a lot of wonderful open doors. They lead me through the open door of daily multiple sclerosis wellness.

Make Your Life Work Today

By Judith Parker Harris

My goal in writing my column this month is to give everyone a hand up, a light at the end of the tunnel, an inspirational jolt and a battery recharge.

How? By inspiring you to change what’s not working in your life, because that just might get your life back to working!

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend say, ” We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing.”

Does it hurt enough yet? Does it hurt enough to wake up every morning and focus on your intention for that day, and then to take action to make it happen? Because, that’s what you have to do. I sit with client after client who complain about the work it takes to change. They come back, week after week without doing the homework I give them. Then, one day, they get it. They get that when you do the work, things change. And, the more they change, the more enjoyable the work they must do becomes.

The bottom line is that you must have a goal or intention and you must be ruthlessly committed to making it happen. The commitment to your goal is fundamental. When you truly commit to a goal, you open up your mind to finding the means to achieve that end. The key words here are OPEN UP, because closed minds leave no room for good news or change. The closed mind is filled with a negative chorus of reasons why you can’t. Fire the chorus – it’s time for your solo.

OPEN UP to the reasons why you can.

Here’s the truth that makes my clients groan; the answer you seek regarding the means to achieve your goal is already inside of you, It’s just buried underneath all of the baggage you bring to this day from however many years old you are. Lose your baggage, and you will find your answer.

This may take a major attitude adjustment, because you have to reconnect with what makes you unique, and we are all unique. As one of the top motivational speakers in the industry, Zig Zigler says, “You cannot consistently perform in a manner that is inconsistent with the way you see yourself”

So, how do you see yourself? Let’s go on a little exploration of that. This is your homework, if you will. Answer all the questions below:

  1. What is the most important thing for me to accomplish today?
  2. What actions will I take to achieve that intention?
  3. How will this help my overall goal in life at this time?
  4. How do I perceive myself as the person who will achieve that goal?
  5. How do other’s perceive me?
  6. Do I need to change any of my own perceptions?

Finally, I’d like you to write a paragraph that includes your thoughts and feelings about already having achieved your goal.

How does it feel?

How do you feel about yourself now?

Let me give you one more clue that will help you achieve your intention everyday. It will also help you connect with your unique self. This clue comes from Walt Disney, who said, “Observe the masses and do the opposite.”

Stop watching the news with its daily dose of fear mongering. Stop engaging with the angry masses and their fear prognostications. Don’t let anyone cast a negative shadow over you based upon how they see you. Bad news is for other people. You are going to grab on to your unique self and show the world what you have to offer. You are an answer to someone else’s problem and that knowledge will help you achieve your intention while enjoying the process.

Now, do your homework!

(And, I’d love you to share your comments with me.)

Earthquakes Leave Us Shaken To The Core

By Judith Parker Harris

On Tuesday, August 23rd a 5.8 earthquake hit Washington DC, also shaking up New York and several Eastern states. In truth, it shook the nation, because it’s not supposed to happen there – only once every 100 years or so, say the experts. But, why now?

“Whether you realize it or not,” says psychology expert, Art Markman Ph.D., “when the rocks beneath our feet become unstable, then it shakes us both mentally and physically.”

Why? I ask. Because the earth is our foundation.

We depend on gravity. The earth is not supposed to shake it’s supposed to hold us, keep us from falling, provide stability. What else is supposed to do that?

Perhaps our government, which is now torn down the middle in hopeless bipartisan bickering which keeps us from making life & country saving actions? Could it be our relationships that seem to grow more wobbly by the day? Or perhaps common sense that no one seems to obey thus shaking our trust levels? Maybe all of those experts on everything we need to know, but who now are so ubiquitous and numerous, they have all but lost their value. Perhaps peace could offer us stability? But where do we find it with wars, arguments, yelling and anger meeting us at every turn? Surely leaders will break our fall, but where are they? Every one and thing seems to be in a free fall including our teachers, preachers, pundits and peers.

So, when we’re feeling all shook up, what are we to do in order to find our foundation? We must each anchor to our truth. For a moment, think of your life as a house. What is your house made up of? Conversations. There are basically three types of conversations: those you have with yourself, those you have with other people and those they have about you when you leave the room.

In order for our lives to grow in stability, we must expand our conversations and open our hearts to new ways of thinking. Sometimes our very foundation keeps us from building a bigger house because it is built on a story full of somebody else’s truths – perceptions, disappointments, false prejudices, negative lessons that we absorbed as children as part of our story. The proverbial question is “How’s that been working for you?” For many, “Not so good.”

I urge you to do a little fact check, find your truth and return to your core, where you will once again find stability.

Connect to your core and you may find yourself standing tall the next time your world shakes.

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