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THE SORCERESS – NO WAY

By Cindy Baker Gilbert

Part 6 in a continuing series on Cindy’s employment search

The idea I was waiting on someone to save me would have been rejected outright prior to this journey. Hadn’t I elevated myself from an Associates degree from a community college into two of the top film schools in the nation? Didn’t I work hard, being the nicest person on the block so I could earn my space in this world? Hadn’t I run the lives of creative geniuses in business, never thinking the creative genius could be me? Since all are true, where’s my prize? In Los Angeles the fantasy that one will be discovered and plucked out of their current circumstance and gently placed in their rightful and dreamed of situation can happen. But when the hidden reliance on that low percentage occurrance secretly runs my life, I get nowhere. And nowhere is where I am.

The Sorceress. Perhaps the most vile and long-standing in my life, had me trapped in a fantasy world of “What If’s” and “If Only’s.” If blank happens, then I’ll be happy. If an outside source rescues me, then I’ll be saved (sentence lifted directly from Judith Parker Harris’ Secrets of Seven Villains).

Identifying the Sorceress felt like someone had just delivered some really bad news. Oh God, this can’t be. No one is going to find me and save me here in this warehouse? No, and for that matter, not anywhere. Only banishment to this desolate situation allowed the belief deep within my psyche to emerge. And there it was. Unless I do something different, nothing will change. Here, or anywhere.

This warehouse job is the physical manifestation of my villains: The Killer moved in and buried my creativity and joy and that’s just fine because the Saboteur told me lies. My screenplays were no good, my art too simple, my administrative skills lacking. The Bandit had me working harder than I ever had because hard labor is the only thing I can do. And now the Sorceress, and my dependence on someone or something to fix my circumstance.

You may be thinking this took eight months, really? And how old are you? I know one needs to be the hero in their own life, but I never saw how that applied to me. In my book I’d done my part, so why isn’t my life working? I submit that if you think me dull and dim witted to not see the obvious, and you base your judgement from your lofty and good position from which you operate, perhaps a few more stones over turned in your own life will push you from good to great. And from great to amazing. Now excuse me while I go do something productive for the future. My future. The one I really want.

JPH Note: Cindy’s struggle is classic and so is our own tendency to say, “Whew, I’m glad that’s not me,” all the while fearing our own villains and wondering just what they have in mind for us. Here’s the secret. Our villains are afraid we’ll find them. They hide behind our negative habits, patterns, routines and lessons that are impacting and sabotaging our lives today. When we start to change, the villains have no place to hide – so they run! That’s just where we want them, on the run, so we are free to embrace the life of our design, as opposed to a life full of other people’s programming. Even the Sorceress can’t stand the heat when we decide to wait no more for “If” to provide a miracle and instead move ahead to create our own magic. Take action every day and see how far you can move ahead this year.

MICHAEL JACKSON’S SIGNALS WERE NOT RECEIVED

By Judith Parker Harris

There is no more graphic example of sending cries for help than the tragedy of Michael Jackson’s death. Is not listening a crime? Is not doing what Michael needed most a crime? Should the tour have been cancelled? Should Michael’s health needs have come first? Should someone have done what Michael couldn’t do – stop the flow of drugs – stop the show?

How many signs did Michael Jackson need to send in order to be heard?

Was it the tour? Did he think he couldn’t handle it?

Was it the financial pressure to succeed or bust?

Was it the huge number of people counting on him?

Was it that every body had so much to gain from Michael that they ignored every cry for help he shouted out?

There are many people other than Conrad Murray responsible for Michael Jackson’s death. Everyone who was within hearing distance of Michael’s cries for help holds a tiny bit of blame. Unfortunately, no one held on to Michael.

The lesson from this sad story is to listen to our loved ones – not just to their words. Listen to their actions, what they’re not doing or saying, but what they are acting out. Between the lines of pretend, try to find the truth. It could save a life.

Did A Block Just Bust?

By Cindy Baker Gilbert

The following is another installment in a series by Cindy Baker Gilbert on searching for jobs in today’s depressed marketplace. This is a real time, real life example illustrating the above feature. Cindy is trying to make a living while trying to save her artistic and creative soul. She finds the time to dream of perhaps the very thing that may turn her life around. She also takes action steps to make the dream a reality and to bust her blocks so she’ll be prepared when the opportunity she’s envisioned finally steps up to embrace her.

After seven hours in the cold warehouse I can only lay on the ground and stare up through the cloudless haze at the black outline of vultures circling. This is hard country. A place that chews up people through minimum wage jobs, securing a cap on their imaginations and dreams of ever being anything other than what they are, if they’re not careful. I wave an arm to let the death birds know I am okay, but they don’t listen. My muscles have reached their failure point. Waiting for my ride home I recall ideas that came out in my writing this morning. Ideas that have nothing to do with our current situation. We have bigger issues right now than to save the world. True. But what came out was:

A new paradigm for living: A way for people to have a good quality of life despite the economic downturn. Maybe based on the UCLA Co-op where I lived when I first came to Los Angeles. Those “student amenity” levels would not do for more mature folks who are used to a better way of living. But something similar. Not a commune. Not a hippie, pot-smoking situation. Everyone has a four-hour weekly work shift, the cost to live there minimal. Maybe one of the work shifts teaches computer skills for the coveted “Powerpoint and Outlook” job market and one teaches trading the stock market in addition to all the maintenance and cooking. A place for people to rehab and regroup. From being laid off, from ripping through their savings, from bad credit that prohibits future prospects of housing. Out of the millions of the unemployed, maybe someone you know.

Then there’s the “Take it or Leave It Art” – Art placed in a public area with a note to “Take it or leave it for others to enjoy.” Maybe silkscreen on canvas. What if you walked down the street and saw a piece of art you liked with that note? Would you take it? Would you leave it? Would it make you think, maybe smile?

All this does nothing for me right now. But I watched the whales on television being saved and then the starving people in Somalia burst into my living room. Yes, there is great need on this planet. But how can I make America a better place? What can I do for humans right here at home?

Maybe all this worry about not enough money to maintain the status quo is for naught. Maybe change on every level is coming. Rather, has come. And all this is the best thing that ever happened to everyone even though we don’t yet understand. This thing that makes us reach within ourselves, bust through our blocks and deliver ideas that inspire and change. Because when perspective changes, the view changes. When the view changes, new opportunities present themselves

BLOCK OR BLOCK OF ICE

By Cindy Baker Gilbert

This is Part 3 of an on-going series courtesy of Writer/Producer Cindy Baker Gilbert who struggles to find employment while keeping her career intentions alive.

When is it a block and when is it just survival? I may be busting through blocks, but I still need to eat and pay bills. No one has responded to my resume which is why I am here to take the lift test – the one remaining hurdle prior to being hired to pack pallets at this grocery distribution warehouse. It’s my turn, and I grab two layers of twelve cans each, smash them against my chest and lower down to the second pallet, bending my legs and not my back. Up and down. again and again. I make comments like, “This feels like I am a participant on Survivor” and “It’s like trying to figure out a Rubic’s Cube.” After 10 minutes the supervisor says, “Well, that’s it. That’s the job.” I act like this is the most fun I have ever had and reiterate, much like I did in the office the previous day, that I want this job.

If I don’t hear anything by Tuesday, they have passed. Tuesday comes and goes. How did I not get chosen for this warehouse job? I call my temp agency who finally tells me yes they passed. ”There’s been a huge mistake,” I tell her. ”Call them back and tell them they made a mistake. ” I know this is my job. I don’t know what went wrong.

They tell my rep, ”We were just reconsidering her,” they say. ”We think we should have put her through.” My rep persists, “What made you pass on her the first time?” The surprising answer, ”Her personality. She had too much. Sometimes that can be annoying in a warehouse environment.”

They can’t penalize me for having a good personality. My rep said, “I told them you were just excited about the job, that you were not that way all the time.”

Once hired I find out I’ve been assigned to the freezer section. Let me clarify. I wear insulated overalls, sweatshirt, jacket, wool socks, insulated boots, ear muffs and several gloves, because it’s minus 18 degrees. Heavy boxes of frozen food have my fingertips numb with cold, my nose hair is frozen and my eyes are glazed over with icy tears. It’s like working for an outdoor moving company at the North Pole. A couple hours in there and I’m happy to go to Produce where it is a balmy 54 degrees and a box of lettuce weighs more than my dog. I call Judith. “What villain is this?” and she assures me it’s simply called survival. Because I am still sending out resumes, I am following up on leads, I am working for a better tomorrow.

The up shot of this job is I don’t have to pay to work out at a gym, this company pays me to work out. And it comes at a price. My knuckles and elbows are stiff and swollen. I am exhausted, in bed by 8 PM and have no trouble sleeping. Meanwhile, I get up at 5 am, feed the dog, make coffee for my husband and I, stretch, meditate and write through my blocks before showing up for work at 7:25 am. Ready to pack those pallets. I’ve even come up with a couple “save the world” ideas. Now I’m reeling myself in and just looking for a way to be of service and have fun doing it.

JUDITH’S NOTE: Now, that’s what I’m talking about. There’s a lot of truth to clichés like, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” Sure, there are some questions left for Cindy to explore: What is frozen in her life? What needs to be lifted from her in order for her to move forward? What does this heaviness and struggle represent?

But there is also SURVIVAL, and Cindy demonstrates a spirit that will not break but will break through – blocks and all! She does what she has to do while she keeps pushing forward to her calling. She doesn’t give up. She recognizes and hangs on to her core values and talent. She keeps her intention burning bright and she moves toward it – sometimes inches at a time, but she keeps moving, and she keeps who she is alive.

Cindy is a talented artist in so many ways. And, she’s a gifted writer who is making a living with what’s available while she finds her voice and hones her craft.

Blocked In My Job Search By The Bandit Villain

By Cindy Baker Gilbert

The longer I am unemployed the better bad money sounds. This curious statement has started me wondering. When I turned down that $10 an hour, 6 days a week job on the ranch I never dreamed I would entertain working in a flour and corn mill for $9 an hour, 5 days a week. This was not some boring desk job but a fast-paced assembly line packaging gig where I wear steel toed boots, khaki pants and a company shirt with a hair net and goggles.

“Why are you so eager to go in this direction,” my husband demands. “Get excited about the big paying jobs and go find those.” Okay, let me run right out and do that. I have waded through the spam jobs online, hit up my friends, called previous employers, cold called companies and signed up with the agencies they use after submitting myself to their battery of tests, Microsoft Word and Excel being the gate-keepers for all positions whether they are needed or not.

My husband could not believe I even attempted to take those tests. “You are technically challenged and got lucky when you found work at an internet company who had gurus fixing IT problems all day. Okay, maybe I should remove Word, Excel and Quickbooks from my resume. “Who told you to put those on?” he asks continuing with, “You are a very good facilitator, a great communicator and have very nice social skills. But you will never, ever be expert at computers and software.”

It seems my version of who and what I am is not the same as how my husband sees me, or any where near close to reality for that matter.

Maybe that’s why it’s not working. Apparently the jobs I‘m not getting are not only the jobs I don’t really want, but also the ones that I can’t really do. Yes, that used to be me with the mad office skills, but not so much any more. Who is this person holding on yet dying to let go of the old skills and ways?

I point my finger at the BANDIT VILLAIN, the voice in my head that tells me to embellish every skill and every job experience, because otherwise someone else will be more qualified, look better, have all the luck and get that job. My fear of “not being enough” keeps me trapped in the same old story, thus setting myself up for the same old results. So, it’s not that I seek out these low paying jobs, it’s that they represent a totally new direction. Maybe not the ultimate path but a new one and that gets me excited.

Editor’s note: Besides the Pirate/Bandit Villain nagging at Cindy with his “You’re not enough” refrain, she is also being hounded by the Killer Villain who keeps you stuck in the past, thereby rendering you ineffective in the present. You can’t move forward when you’re stuck on an old version of yourself. When the Killer is your villain look at what needs to die in your life: Say good-bye to dead end jobs, lost loves, inherited prejudices, false lessons, dreams you replaced long ago and allow yourself a Life Attitude Makeover. New answers and opportunities will follow.

Do You Have To Grow Up To Get A Job?

By Cindy Baker Gilbert

At this point I am interviewing for positions for which I am not completely qualified. We do that, right? Get scared there is nothing out there or what is out there will show up too late. So I’ve ignored the database management requirement as I sit across the desk from a woman in the fashion industry. “But I can learn anything!” I demand. My enthusiasm effects her like I’m tossing popcorn at a battle ship. I even wore my best designer suit since this was in the fashion world only to discover the “dress” of this small office is very casual and there would be no interaction with designers. Lesson learned: Do more homework. Show up looking like you belong. I push onward. “What exactly would I be doing?” She points to the five stacks of papers on her desk, each a different category. “All this,” she said with a wave of her calm, majestic hand attended by a concise, verbal summary of each stack. Like she was the queen of her castle and all was well in the land of Nod. “People rely on us for information,” she added. “A certain degree of gravitas is required. We not only have to be right but instill our clients with confidence in what we offer.” I left the interview reaffirming my desire for this position. I knew standing at the downtown bus stop that the job was not mine.

I went home and looked up gravitas: seriousness, solemnity or importance. This woman really thought a lot of herself and her services. I felt it and was drawn to her. My over-reaching personality, that I think charming, served me well in previous situations, including when I was five and vying for my parents’ attentions, but it is far from gravitas. How is it that I’m drawn to traits in another that I don’t have? Maybe the people-pleasing me yearns to grow up and hold my own. Maybe what I need is a complete personality change. Or maybe I just need to address the Killer Villain, again. My free-spirited, light-hearted attitude apparently no longer serves me. Because really, is there anything more scary than a middle-aged woman who still needs to grow up? This Killer Villain is trying to take me down and I will not let it. But how to kill the Killer?

Judith Parker Harris COMMENT:

How do you kill the killer?

Grow up. Leave the old negative lessons, habits and routines behind.

When being interviewed, use the 4-step, magic communication technique that will draw people to you: 1) Open up, 2) Listen, 3) Keep your defenses down, 4) Think about your strategy and how you can be part of the solution for the interviewer.

Do you have to grow up?

Answer: Depends on the job, but definitely keep it open as an option.

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