Archive for March, 2010

SMILING ADDS YEARS TO YOUR LIFE

By Judith Parker Harris

Block: Feeling low.
Buster: Smile!

“People who smile a lot are usually happier, have more stable personalities, more stable marriages, better cognitive skills and better interpersonal skills,” according to research recently conducted at Wayne State University, reports LA Times Reporter, Shari Roan. They also live from 1 to 5 years longer dependent on the size and sincerity of their smiles.

I find this to be extremely wonderful news as I sport a big wide smile across my face the majority of the time. My smile has Julia Roberts wattage and Mary Tyler Moore (Mary Richards character) sincerity. Remember the show theme song? “She could turn the world on with her smile. She could take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile.”

Only once in my life has my smile worked against me. I was running for Student Body Vice President in High School and the night before the election my opponent, plastered this note across all of my posters. “How can anyone who smiles all the time be trusted?” I was devastated, because I temporarily bought into his attack on my self-confidence.

Now years later, I put on my smile each day with as much thought and gratitude as I put into selecting my clothes for the day and doing my hair. It’s all part of putting the “me” together who’s ready to face the world as a contributing member of the population.

Think about it – a smile can say so many things:
“Thank you for sharing.”
“I’d love to spend more time with you, but I have to wash my hair.”
I love you even though I don’t agree with everything you say.”
“Isn’t it nice that we share this planet and can each contribute our own thoughts and deeds?”
“You may never know exactly what I’m thinking, but my heart reaches out to you anyway.”
“Let’s meet somewhere in the middle.”
“I love you. I don’t like some of what I hear, but I’m willing to listen.”

Let’s stay on that last thought for a moment. I have blogged a lot about what I call the United States of Anger. I’m so ready for all the shouting, insulting, fear-mongering hate speech to end. So my answer to hate speech today is this – DO NOT believe all that you hear and DO NOT say all that you think. That’s where the smile comes in. I delete hateful emails, fast forward through hateful news stories, and I try to stop speaking before mindlessly voicing some of the “hateful” comments that live inside of me.

We all have them. They are comments that are born from fear and from the imprints of all the experiences of our years and from all the lessons left behind on our psyches, both good and bad, from our teachers, preachers, pundits and peers.

Just imagine a world where we all live more in our hearts and less in our heads. Suddenly the noise level is not so deafening and the healing level is a force to be embraced. It takes time to sift through the garbage of our back stories to get to our truth, and while we’re thinking (silently) we might as well smile.

Delay and Denial Are Bad for your Health

By Judith Parker Harris

Block: Delay
Buster: Action

Would you like to know the one thing that keeps you from getting what you want out of life? Drum roll, please. Not taking action to make it happen. C. Northcote Parkinson says, “Delay is the deadliest form of denial.” Why deny yourself the things you most want by delaying necessary actions to make them happen? Here’s how the denial game goes. (Actual comments from composite clients)
Client: “I’m 67 years old, I’m too old to start a new business.”
Comment: Why deny yourself the success you can have at 67 just because you didn’t have at it 37? Don’t delay yourself out of a second chance.
Client: ” I’ve invested everything in being an attorney, and now I’m stuck in a profession I hate that stifles my dreams.”
Comment: Really? Is it either/or? Why deny yourself a dream and delay taking action because your stuck in a profession you don’t like? Believe me, the knowledge you’ve gained will come in handy in your new direction.
Client:” I’ll lose weight after I’ve taken care of all my medical appointments, after I’ve gotten a new job, after I clean the clutter out of my life, after the holidays, after my friend’s birthday…”
Comment: Why deny yourself the health, the opportunities, the enjoyment and the freedom of weight loss by delaying what must come first?
Client: “I’ve fallen in love with an older man, but I’m afraid to marry him because he’ll die so much sooner than I will.”
Comment: Why deny yourself what could be the 10 happiest years of your life because you are afraid of the future. You could delay yourself into a loveless present.
Note: The last example was me and I have shared 22, and still counting, of the happiest years of my life with that wonderful older man.
The secret to the BLOCKED TO BLOCKBUSTER process is to set an intention, define what you feel is blocking you and then create a strategy or plan to bust the block and achieve your intention. Life is a series of choices from the time you wake up in the morning. The first choice is to choose to be happy. That’s a wonderful way to set in motion a day’s worth of rewarding, conscious decisions.
Don’t delay like Scarlett O’Hara and “think about it tomorrow.” Take action now. Make those choices now.
When I read THE SECRET, I had a problem with the book. I love the intention of the book, but I feel that visualizing and concentrating on what you want is not enough to make it happen. I do not feel the book stressed enough the importance of ACTIONS. Don’t delay by hoping and dreaming. Take action now to get what you want out of life.
Our country is in a horrible state of delay and denial over healthcare. Torn down the middle, one side of our country got what it wanted with the healthcare bill and one side of our country didn’t. That side is hoping to delay progress until the midterm elections and then deny that the bill ever happened by initiating repeal.
I know this is going to sound terribly naive, but whatever happened to the moderate middle? You know, all the people who live by our mother’s advice, “Everything in moderation.”
Why can’t we come together in the middle and stop denying the need, stop delaying the action and start creating the way for every American to have healthcare in a way that will be Healthy for every other part of our country? Delay and denial fueled by anger and fear is simply bad for everyone’s health and success.

What If There’s An Earthquake in the Middle of My Surgery?

By Judith Parker Harris

What If There’s An Earthquake in the Middle of My Surgery?

Block: Anxiety
Buster: Excitement

I’m going in for a little “corrective” surgery tomorrow morning, and while it’s a safe procedure that I want to do, I found myself slogging through a worry pit of my own making this weekend. My poor husband had to put up with questions like this: “What if there’s an earthquake in the middle of my surgery?” What could he say? He just looked at me with a smile on his face that conveyed his amusement mixed with love and assurance.

And, who wouldn’t be amused? The very question show’s the audacity of thinking that I’m so much in the center of the world that an earthquake would follow me into surgery? But, that’s another topic isn’t it? Getting over thinking we are the center of the universe and realizing we’re simply part of an interconnected chain link fence that somehow holds things together.

Just last Friday, at a luncheon and book signing for Dani Shapiro’s recently released memoir, Devotion, I learned a new word that sums up my worry tendency. It’s a Yiddish word, Zorg, which means to create unnecessary anguish. The word makes me laugh when I say it, as I look back on the hours, days, months and, yes, years I have wasted zorging.

We have a choice, you see. My husband tells me that all the time. We can open our hearts to the joy and wonder of each new day, or we can fill the day with a thousand zorgs that will rob us of time, create anxiety and most likely will never happen. (With “most likely,” I left a little opening for a zorg to happen. Gotta stop that.)

So, today, as I prepare for my little procedure, I’m going to wish my surgeon a relaxed and blessed day, bask in the gratitude that I have for my wonderful life filled with friends, family, opportunities and incredible experiences, and every time I start to zorg, I’m going to ask myself, “Is this anything that I can do something about?” If so, I’ll do it. If not, I’ll bust through anxiety with excitement and embrace the day and my life with gratitude and love. I’ll do my part to stay connected to life’s chain link fence and be thankful for those who are supporting me on either side.